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Cheating before marriage reddit

You've probably wondered before, "If my husband cheated on me, what would I do? Bankrupt him? Never let him see our kids again? Sure, that's what we think we'd do. But that's all just hypothetical. Rare is the woman who says, "If my husband cheated on me, I'd take him back. Who stays with a cheater? Well, statistically, a lot of women do—most, in fact, including me.

Yes, I'm one of the 81 percent of women who stayed with their husbands after they were unfaithful at least, according to a study from Trustify. I'd been married for 10 years when my husband confessed he'd been having an affair with his assistant.

My Spouse Cheated. Here's Why I Didn't Leave.

I was a year-old mom to three young kids. I was finishing up my 12th book. Life was busy. Life was good—until it wasn't. I'd had my doubts about the amount of time my husband was spending with his female assistant.

But with a big project at their office, it made sense—or so I told myself. My friends agreed. Then, one night, when my husband was away on a business trip with his assistant, I tried to reach him and I couldn't.

Suddenly, I just knew. There's no other way to describe it. I tried to convince myself that I was being paranoid. But the next day, when he finally answered his phone, I demanded the truth.

And he gave it to me—partly. They kissed once.

cheating before marriage reddit

Well, more than once, he reneged. I insisted he come home immediately if he had even the tiniest bit of hope of salvaging our marriage. He did. While he drove the few hours back, I walked around our house wringing my shaking hands like Lady Macbeth. I was in shock. Over the next few days, the full story eventually trickled out.

My husband confessed that he had been having an on-again, off-again affair for four years. Like so many who discover a partner's betrayal, my emotions were all over the place.

I would shake my husband awake at 3 a. Why did you do it? Weren't we happy?

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I'd vacillate between rage and exhaustion. Every day, I was trying to be the best mom I could, while also trying to finish the last chapter of my book, which my editor was getting increasingly impatient over.

So I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.

Men FINALLY Realize Their WIFE Is Cheating On Them (r/AskReddit)

Because here's what no one tells you about infidelity : It's so bring-you-to-your-knees devastating that kicking him out is the last thing you have the energy to do.How did you walk in on them? The answers were horrifying, heartbreaking, and hilarious in equal measures — but every story also proved that it's possible to overcome this awful experience and emerge a stronger person.

Here are just nine of the best responses, and for more, check out the entire thread right here. She walked into his bedroom and found him in bed with another woman. One of us had to be there at all times. I opened the front door and there they were on the couch, clothes scattered on the floor, scurrying to cover up. It's burned into my head.

At that point it gets blurry though. I froze for a second. I started seeing red and knew that if I didn't get out of there something bad would happen, so I left. I got in my car, locked the door, turned off my cell phone and started driving. I went back to work and pretended nothing happened. She tried to call me, I always said I was on another line and would call back when I could. She showed up about two hours before I got off and I had them tell her I was with a customer.

She went back home eventually but I didn't. I slept in my car that night. I drove out on the local scenic parkway, parked at an overlook, and just sat on the hood of my car devastated. I didn't move the entire night. I couldn't sleep. When I went home, it was only because I had to work the next day. She asked if we could have an open relationship; I said no; she kept cheating; we divorced.When somebody cheats on you it's heartbreaking. It's the ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship.

So, when you hear about somebody else getting cheated on, you can't help but demonize the cheater. Rightly so, in some cases. But the truth is that cheating isn't always just one instance of wrongdoing. The circumstances are often really complicated.

These stories from the cheater's perspective show just that. They also show the sheer volume of reasons why people cheat in the first place. There are tales of both parties cheating. There are tales of guilt and shame, too, which gives us an insight into the consequences of the cheater's actions. But it's interesting to see that so many cheaters feel that way. You often imagine cheaters as people who don't care about other people's feelings. There are also tales of reconciliation, which may be a surprising thing to comprehend for some.

And these stories are a small sample of the confessions from the 'Cheaters of Reddit'. The more you read, the more you realize that every single person committed the same terrible act by cheating, but every single person has a different story about how they came to that point and what happened afterward. When I was deployed to Iraq, my wife cheated on me at least 3 times.

She was the one to tell me about it. It hurt like hell and we worked through it, for the most part. When I was stationed overseas by myself a few years later, I started an affair with a female service member. It lasted 6 months.According to recent statistics gathered by the Institute for Family Studies20 percent of men and 13 percent of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.

While both genders are guilty of straying, men and women tend to commit infidelity for different reasons.

These 9 Stories of People Who Caught Their Partners Cheating Are Next Level

According to science, men often cheat because they feel their masculinity is being threatened. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to do it because they feel neglected or ignored by their partner. Every case of infidelity is different and it's important not to judge without hearing someone's story. Sometimes, a marriage is doing totally fine, until an opportunity arises that someone just can't pass up.

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Other times, as was the case with "Molly" below all names have been changed to protect identitiesthe foundation for infidelity was laid out long before the wedding bells rang. As terrible as cheating is, it doesn't need to be something that ruins your life and obliterates any trust or affection you can ever have with your partner. Some couples work through a cheating episode and come out stronger.

Others break up but manage to stay friends. In any of these cases, it's always possible to use the incident as a prompt for self-reflection, and thereby learn from it and grow.

So read on for one woman's account of her own brush with cheating—and what you can take away from her experience. In her late 20s, Molly was dating a man who was 11 years older than her. They loved each other, but Molly broke up with him several times because she felt he wasn't supportive of her career ambitions. Then she got pregnant. At first, she was going to get an abortion, but the clinic didn't have an opening for six weeks, so she had a lot of time to think about her decision.

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One day, while working out on the elliptical, she broke down crying. She realized that as irrational as the choice might be, she needed to have this baby. She called her ex-boyfriend and told him her decision, saying that he didn't need to be involved. He got furious and stormed out.

But later in the day, he called and apologized, and said he was all in. Long before the wedding, Molly knew that this wasn't the right man for her. They moved to a house in New England, where their marriage became increasingly strained, given that her husband was still commuting to the city every day for work, and she was alone in the boonies with very few friends. They moved down south, where's she's from originally, and things got a little better.

They even had another child. But then the fighting began, and the long talks about whether or not to try to stick things out and make it work. One day, Molly got sent to North Carolina for a work trip. After her colleagues had left the bar, she decided to stay for one more drink. That's where she met Steve. At first, it seemed like it would be a one-time thing.I recently found myself wondering if marriage is worth it, what people's biggest regrets about getting married might be.

When I was a little girl, I always assumed that one day I would magically wind up meeting the man destined to be my husband, and that we would quickly go about the business of getting married.

Don't get it twisted. I didn't exactly spend every waking second of every waking hour planning my wedding and subsequent marriage although, I'll admit that I did save a picture of the engagement ring Brad Pitt designed for Jennifer Aniston — just in case. It's just that I figured that's what happens when a girl grows up and fall in love.

She becomes a wife. Now that I'm older, I am very much aware that marrying someone is no guarantee of a happy, healthy relationship, and it certainly isn't something anyone of any gender should feel like they must do.

The truth is that If you love someone, you can choose to make whatever type of life together you want.

It's up to the two of you, not to our antiqued notions of what must come next in the circle of life for all human beings. Figuring out that I don't have to get married — ever — has actually made me feel better about several other things as well. Weirdly, because I come from an intact family with two still-happily married parents, I'm a bit more skeptical about what it takes to make a marriage work. Yes, my parents are blissfully happy, but they are also such weirdos that it makes sense to me that once they found each other they each clung onto the institution of marriage for dear life.

I can't ever imagine meeting a person who I want to make that particular commitment to, and I mean that legally and spiritually and in whatever additional sense I possibly can.

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I think this mindset of mine developed the way it did from watching many of my own friends and acquaintances get married right out of college. Some of those couples are still together, but others who tied the knot in say,have already split up. Heck, some already moved onto their second marriage! That doesn't exactly inspire a lot of hope in a girl when it comes to the prospect of settling down. But because I can't really talk to these folks about something as painfully fresh their biggest regrets about getting married, I decided to head to Reddit to see if there were other folks out there who tied the knot and now wish they hadn't.

As you might suspect, the gentlemen over there had some opinions on the matter, and while some of the reasons they regret their marriages seem silly, others make so much sense you might just swear off of the institution yourself She married me because she thought it would force her to develop feelings.

Waste of time. Partially about having kids, mostly about building our own family.Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation. Remember me. Wife cheated during engagement 17 years ago. Start Prev 1 2 Next End 1 2. Wife cheated during engagement 17 years ago was created by Reggie I found out 2 months ago that my wife of sixteen and half years had an affair while we were engaged. She finally told me about it after she was diagnosed with HPV. I have never been with anyone else and I thought her only with me.

Flashback to We lived together in college when we were engaged. She postponed out wedding in 95 after dating for 3 years and engaged for 2 years. She said she didn't feel right about getting married when I was so busy with college. She had graduated the year before and was working a job and waiting for me with two years left. She decided to move back home in May of 95 and work where she worked the previous summer.

I stayed in the town where we went to college. We stayed in touch and I talked to her daily on the phone. We say each other during the summer but not so much when school started. She finally moved back with me at the beginning of and started to go back to school for a teaching license. We decided to put the wedding back on for that fall. We got married, moved, had two boys and created a wonderful life for ourselves. Now flash-forward to February 28 this year when I was devastated with the news that during the time she moved back home she was with someone else in a relationship and had sex with him multiple times.

I had no idea. She didn't remember when it happened but she thinks it was when I started school in the fall. She told me that she did it because she thought "I didn't have room in my life for her". What kind of excuse is that? I felt and feel devastated. She said she was sorry for what she did and regrets it terribly.

She said she wishes it would have never had happened. She said when she left him she never looked back and has been very happy with me ever since. She swears that she has been faithful to me since she came back to me in 96 and has never talked to him or been with anyone else but me. I truly believe her.It came as a total and utter shock. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

When I first received the news I started hyperventilating and began pacing from one room in our apartment to the next, as if the next room would hold the calmness and clarity that had suddenly been sucked out of my world. I had no idea that the man I believed was perfect for me, a man who seemed so dedicated to me, the man I was about to marry, had had an affair during the first few months of our relationship.

I thought I had known almost everything important there was to know about him. I was one hundred percent sure he would never do something like this to me—the thought never even crossed my mind. The revelation that he had been with someone else while we were together was earth shattering for me, and I felt utterly disillusioned and betrayed.

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I felt like a fool. And yet at the same time, I knew that I was still going to marry him. I knew that I would not leave him. He told me he was head over heels in love with me and had never in his life been more excited about anything as he was for our wedding day.

cheating before marriage reddit

I continue to deal with insecurity and, at times, fears that it could happen again. He works hard to remind me that I am everything to him and that it will never happen again.

cheating before marriage reddit

We have slowly been picking up the pieces and rebuilding the trust that is an integral part of any successful relationship. I feel like even my most understanding friends and family members, while providing a comforting ear, would silently judge me for staying with someone who cheated on me. In romantic comedies, the guy or girl usually leaves the scummy cheater to be with someone better Wedding CrashersThe Wedding Singerand Forgetting Sarah Marshall all spring to mind.

The General Social Survey, an annual survey that has tracked US social behaviour sincefinds that about ten percent of married couples are involved in infidelity every year. But it seems to me that until a couple gets divorced, infidelity is rarely spoken about. I know that I used to think less of relationships where one partner cheated on the other, thinking that one must have decided to settle for less than perfect.

I know there are lots of reasons why people stray from their marriages, and I know there are a lot of reasons to end relationships that are not working. But I now know there are also very valid reasons for staying together and working it out. I just hope that more people are able to have an honest discussion about infidelity and are able decide whether their relationship is worth saving. Mine was. Please read our comment policy before you comment.

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cheating before marriage reddit